Author: I promise you this will look better in a few days

Bones, to Spock: When we first met, I thought you were intimidating and that you talk way more than you should. I even looked under my bed to see if you were hiding there.

bones: i knew it, we shouldn’t have come
kirk: we had to, there’s strength in numbers
bones: there’s also death in numbers, it’s called a massacre

chekov: Are you gay or Asian I’m confused which is it
sulu: i just want u to know that this is THE funniest question anyone has ever asked me

sulu: my leopard gecko hasn’t eaten for over a week. vet said he’s extremely healthy and the reason he’s not eating is likely due to him entering breeding season early.
sulu: can you imagine someone handing you a burger and you being like “i can’t eat this i’m too fucking horny”
spock: It’s happened before

kirk: my boyfriend left me because I am insecure
kirk: no wait, he’s back
kirk: he just went to the bathroom
bones: go see a vet. you might be a dog

bones: the guests are all here and nothing is ready. we don’t have a ring, the cake says jim and spook and the smoke machine is not working.
scotty: i could crouch by the altar and vape?
bones: you are a stone cold atrocity

scotty: whats up slim jim
chekov: slimford jimford
sulu: slimmy jimmy
kirk: stop

kirk: hey bones how are you

bones: i’m good

bones: i’m gonna fist fight spock the next time I see him but I’m good

Kirk: Can I have a bite of your food?
Spock: Absolutely not.
Bones: Wow. Some great couple. He wont even share his food.
Spock: It has avocado on it. He’s allergic to avocado. Are you so jealous of our relationship that you want Jim to die?

Kirk: do not fret
Bones: i am fretting its what i do