Category: best of

Kirk: If I legally bought the Mona Lisa, would anyone be able to stop me from eating it?
Bones: I mean, no. But you would be deeply poisoned. Like. Super-poisoned. I cannot emphasize enough how poisoned eating the Mona Lisa would make you.
Kirk: But what a way to go. You could only eat it once.
Chekov: Forbidden snack.

bones: please for the love of everything make a move
kirk: I brushed spock’s hand once
bones:
bones: make a bolder move

Bones: Jim, why the hell, of all people, do you have a crush on the hobgoblin?
Kirk: Who the fuck told you that?
Scotty: …
Kirk: SCOTTY
Scotty: I didn’t know it was some big secret!
Kirk: oh it wasn’t a big secret
Kirk: JUST LIKE THE TATTOO OF THE ENTERPRISE YOU GOT ON YOUR ASS NOT BEING A BIG SECRET
Sulu: YOU HAVE A WHAT?
Uhura: Scotty????
Chekov: LET ME SEE LET ME SEE
Scotty: Mr. Chekov isn’t really from Russia, he’s been faking it the whole time!
Scotty: If I’m going down, I’m taking everybody with me
Sulu: Pavel, why would you lie about something like that?
Chekov: I don’t know, why do you own lingerie?
Uhura: Oh my fucking god
Sulu: UHURA WROTE AN EROTIC NOVEL
Chapel: Nyota Uhura, you dirty hoe!
Uhura: Christine has the biggest daddy kink!!!!
Chapel: Nyota, I told you that in confidence!!!
Bones: I can’t believe the best damn nurse on this ship has a daddy kink…
Chapel: LEONARD ONCE HAD A WET DREAM ABOUT MR. BEAN
Bones: I ONCE SAW SPOCK CRY BECAUSE JIM WASN’T PAYING ATTENTION TO HIM
Kirk: this is so chaotic im losing my mind what is wrong with this ship

Kirk: What’s the best part of human culture to you?
Spock: I am fascinated by the brief, cooperative applause.
Kirk: High fives?
Spock: Yes, those

Bones: Truth or dare?
Kirk: Truth.
Bones: How many hours have you slept this week?
Kirk: Dare.
Bones: Go to sleep.
Kirk: I don’t like this game.

Spock: We need to discuss the alert you sent out to the entire ship.
Kirk: It was a critical update.
Spock: It simply read, “I’m back on my bullshit.”
Kirk: People need to know.

Kirk: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Chekov: I saw a frog on shore leave the other day.
Kirk: Outstanding. This is what I’m talking about, people.

Bones: I need all of you to be straight with me
Kirk: I’m afraid that’s going to be extremely hard for everyone here
Spock:
Uhura:
Chapel:
Sulu:
Chekov:

Bones: hey Spock what are you doing

Spock: well, i am making an attempt to solve this equation but I believe a correct and also underlyingly humourous answer to that question would be “your best friend.“

Bones:

Bones: goddamnit

Spock: Happy birthday Captain. *gives him a book*
Jim: The complete works of Sherlock Holmes?
Spock: It’s about the adventures of two homosexual men.
Jim: That sounds really familiar