Category: kirk

bones: i knew it, we shouldn’t have come
kirk: we had to, there’s strength in numbers
bones: there’s also death in numbers, it’s called a massacre


i love when people say michael’s existence is a plot hole because spock obviously has such a good track record of telling jim about his family members

kirk: my boyfriend left me because I am insecure
kirk: no wait, he’s back
kirk: he just went to the bathroom
bones: go see a vet. you might be a dog

bones: the guests are all here and nothing is ready. we don’t have a ring, the cake says jim and spook and the smoke machine is not working.
scotty: i could crouch by the altar and vape?
bones: you are a stone cold atrocity

scotty: whats up slim jim
chekov: slimford jimford
sulu: slimmy jimmy
kirk: stop

kirk: hey bones how are you

bones: i’m good

bones: i’m gonna fist fight spock the next time I see him but I’m good

Kirk: Can I have a bite of your food?
Spock: Absolutely not.
Bones: Wow. Some great couple. He wont even share his food.
Spock: It has avocado on it. He’s allergic to avocado. Are you so jealous of our relationship that you want Jim to die?







I wonder how Vulcans see Human marriage. When Vulcans pair off, it’s a bonding of their very souls, while Human marriage is just combining finances

So imagine Jim on one knee in front of Spock with tears in his eyes talking about how this is what he’s wanted more more than anything else and how if Spock says yes he’ll spend the rest of his life making him happy and Spock is just like “Captain, are your student loans that bad?”

Jim: so is that a-

Spock: Jim, I will gladly be your sugar daddy

Jim: I mean that’s… that’s not… you know what? Okay.

Jim thinking: whatever. I’ll take him however I can get him.

Spock think: If I have to pay a substantial amount to acquire Jim, I will (gladly) logically bankrupt myself.


Spock is now contractually obliged to fund Jim’s fast food addiction.

Jim: aww, thanks babe, how did you k—

Spock: eat Jim. eat.

Spock goes on for months believing that Jim is marrying him for his money, until long after the wedding discovers that Jim has no student loans and is thoroughly shaken.

Spock: wait then why did you marry me?

Jim: ………um, because I love you?

Spock: OH

Kirk: do not fret
Bones: i am fretting its what i do

Kirk: I love you
Spock: I am vaguely fond of you myself