this will be my go-to excuse from now on
[ disassemble and discover ]
he’s always been good at finding the right fix
bones: the guests are all here and nothing is ready. we don’t have a ring, the cake says jim and spook and the smoke machine is not working.
scotty: i could crouch by the altar and vape?
bones: you are a stone cold atrocity
scotty: whats up slim jim
chekov: slimford jimford
sulu: slimmy jimmy
Kirk, after hearing that half of his crew is being transferred: They’re making a huge, huge mistake. Let’s see the Admirality replace these people. Let’s see them find another Scotty. You think Scotties grow on trees? Well, they don’t. There is no Scotty tree. Do you think the world is crawling with Sulus? Show me that farm. With Sulus and Chekovs sprouting up all over the place, ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.
Alien of the week: Tell us where the Captain is and we’ll burn your castle to the ground.
Scotty: Er, don’t you mean “or”?
Alien of the Week: Fine! Tell us where the Captain is OR we’ll burn your castle to the ground
Scotty: Well, which is it? That seems like a pretty crucial conjunction if you ask me.
Chekov and Scotty on the bridge of the Enterprise B.
sulu: putting milk in the bowl first is divorce worthy
scotty: or wetting your toothbrush BEFORE putting tooth paste on
chekov: wow excuse you maybe I like to soften the bristles first
rand: who the fuck doesn’t wet their tooth brush before putting toothpaste on what the fuck
chapel: who the fuck does
uhura: i the fuck do
kirk: what the fuck man
bones: fuck you
kirk: ok so are there any questions? scotty?
scotty: yeah, you caught me! i’m drunk okay!
kirk: no, you raised your ha…?
scotty: i don’t know how you knew but i’m high too! i smoke weed and i drink!!!