kirk: maybe i have dumb bitch syndrome. maybe im a complete neanderthal and absolutely illiterate. but i will NOT allow you to disrespect me
spock: five minutes ago you backflipped away from me and almost fell out the airlock because you were “defending your virtue from the thots”. What is a thot?
kirk: let’s just say im one of them
*The captain and his first officer are surveying the geography of an unknown planet*
Kirk: What do your elf-eyes see, Mister Spock?
Spock: You conferred with Doctor McCoy and not me?
Kirk: Well, when you have a crazy theory, you don’t call the voice of reason.
Bones, to the rest of the crew: Jim and Spock were making out.
Jim: Bones! Why would you say that?
Bones: Why would you do it in front of me? I’m not a coat rack.
Kirk: Oh, I know where this is going!
Spock, appearing next to them during a freeze frame: The Captain had absolutely no idea where this was going. Saying they did was but a ruse to make them seem more intelligent.
*Kirk goes to boop Spock’s nose*
Spock: Please don’t do this.
Kirk, disappointed: So, when can I boop your nose?
Spock: How about never? Is never good for you?